


The heart wants what it wants

by apieceofcabbage



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24888862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apieceofcabbage/pseuds/apieceofcabbage
Summary: Lelouch never acquired the Code. He was dying of sickness, and Suzaku refused to see him. Set after S1, after Lelouch got captured and brought to Charles.
Relationships: Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Comments: 15
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

Lelouch has always been well aware of the sound of his own heart. Sometimes it raced when he laughed too hard, then he had to sit down and wait for it to settle. Sometimes it fluttered so wildly it shook his whole body as he lied on the bed. Other times he could feel the beats reverberating in the right side of his chest. Lelouch could swear that his heart had a mind of its own. Despite being imperfect, damaged, and overworked, Lelouch’s heart beat dutifully, refusing to believe its time had come. Just like his heart, Lelouch refused to surrender as he tore through the Britannia Empire’s grip with the sword of Black Knights in Area 11.

Until this moment.

Lelouch was very much aware of the frantic beats of his heart as he fought Suzaku all the way from the entrance of the grand hall to the stairs leading up to the throne.

Charles zi Britannia’s lips curled into a sneer as he saw his son, the Eleventh Prince of the Holy Britannia Empire, being thrown at his feet by his former best friend. Charles stared at his struggling prey coldly, then shifted his gaze to Kururugi Suzaku, who was resolutely staring at the ground as he kneeled before the Emperor. With one hand crossed at his heart and his body perfectly still, he formed a sharp contrast against Lelouch’s violent thrashing.

 _This one has the quality of a good hound._ Charles thought as he regarded Kururugi with a smirk. He could have a use for him. But for now…

“Hold his right eye open for me.”

“Yes, your Majesty.”

One calloused hand grabbed a fistful of black hair and jerked Lelouch’s head back, while the other pried open his eye, almost digging into the eye socket. Lelouch screamed in horror and anguish as Charles’s Geass sigil flared menacingly.

“Lelouch vi Britannia, I command you to forget about your power of Geass. It is now lost forever, buried deep in your consciousness and never to resurface again.”

The order gripped Lelouch’s mind in a choke hold, invading and tearing synapsis apart and reforming new ones in their place. Lelouch bucked against Suzaku with all his strength but the hands did not budge.

Silence filled the hall as Lelouch eventually went still in Suzaku’s hands, breathing harshly. 

“I am impressed, Kururugi Suzaku.” The Emperor’s voice was deafening, “As a reward for bringing me Zero, you will be given a place at the Knight of the Rounds.”

Lelouch froze at the announcement. His momentary cease of struggle made him increasingly aware of his weakening strength. He gasped as he felt his heart squeezing and black spots danced across his vision. He could no longer feel his hands. He tried to lift his head to catch Suzaku’s eyes, but sweat plastered hair across his face and blocked his vision. Defeated and exhausted, Lelouch collapsed back down to the ground. The marble floor drained heat out of his body. His heart shivered against the ribcage.

Suzaku still did not spare a glance at his hostage by his feet. Instead, he answered dutifully, “I am honored, your Majesty. What shall we do with Zero?”

Charles regarded his son detachedly. “Let him go.”

Suzaku’s perfectly controlled demeanor cracked, “Wha…What? But Zero is --- He is a threat to the empire, your Majesty, with respect---”

“Have you ever wondered why Lelouch is always physically weak, Kururugi?” Suzaku started at the sudden change in topic, then hesitantly shook his head.

“He has a genetic heart condition. Without a cure, he will not last much longer.”

Disregarding Suzaku’s shock and stiffening of Lelouch’s spine, Charles looked at his son coldly and continued, “I had great plans for you, Lelouch. Despite your physical weakness and your traitorous nature, you are exceptionally intelligent, and I could have molded you into something great to serve a higher purpose. But upon seeing your condition today, I see that you are of no value to me now. Weakness has no place in this world, and certainly not in the Britannia royal family.”

“Let him go, _Sir_ Kururugi. His rebellion is over, and his former accomplices have scattered like sand. His own body will soon betray him. From now on, Lelouch vi Britannia is dead to me.” And with that, Charles zi Britannia left without sparing a glance at the pair down the floor.

Suzaku kneeled until the Emperor left the hall. Lelouch lied at his feet, still as a corpse.


	2. Chapter 2

“So what will you do with me, _Sir_ Kururugi?”

Suzaku internally flinched at the question dripping with sarcasm. He did not know what to do with the new information. He did not even feel jubilation at his newly earned position of power. All he could think about was the fact that he never knew Lelouch was ill.

“Will you cast me to the wolves, Suzaku? Watch them devour me? I bet it gives you great pleasure.”

But knowing that he is ill, does it change anything? _It shouldn’t._ Suzaku argued with himself, _this is just the price that Zero shall pay for the atrocities he committed. It serves him right._

And yet…. Suzaku did not feel victorious as he stood by the former prince’s head.

 _I can kill him now._ The thought was violent and invasive. Suzaku clinched his fists and forced it down. A pulse jumped in his neck.

Sensing a sudden rise in hostility in the air, Lelouch tensed. He was expecting vicious assault, but was not ready for steely hands to lift him at his knees and his shoulders.

Lelouch finally got a good look at Suzaku’s face. He wished he didn’t.

Kururugi Suzaku's eyes looked clinical and blank as he lifted Lelouch. His visage as cold as his silence. He carried his former friend out the hall and down a series of steps leading toward a holding facility. To an outsider, they formed a perfect image of a knight carrying his liege. But the prince was just a prisoner, and the knight was never his.

Now underground, dim green lights skidded across their faces as Suzaku’s heels echoed monotonically off the concrete tunnel.

Lelouch’s heart gradually matched the beat, then it jostled as Lelouch was dumped onto the floor again. This time Suzaku kneeled and undid his bindings. Lelouch flexed his fingers gratefully to get circulation back in his extremities.

“I will not let you go free, Lelouch. I know what you are capable of. I will have someone take you to a secure property and you will stay there until…your time comes. Meals will be delivered three times a day. If you leave the premise you will be tied down.”

“My savior.” Lelouch seethingly retorted, anger making him strong. “Giving me food and shelter and yet refusing me freedom. Who do you think you are, Kururugi Suzaku? Do you think I will rest idly in the cage you provided, like a dog? Even as a ghost, I will watch Britannia burn, Knight of Seven. Remember this.”

Suzaku looked away.

In his head, Lelouch knew Suzaku was putting up a show. He knew his tough front was all an act to keep his emotions in check. He had known him as a child, after all. But his heart did not care. It sucked in pain and squeezed out anger every time Lelouch glanced at Suzaku’s foreign face.

Before he could make another comment, Suzaku already turned his back.

“Goodbye, Lelouch.” 


	3. Chapter 3

“Why won’t you just look at me, Suzaku…”

Lelouch sat on the hard concrete floor, now ironically relying on his straightjack for warmth. As hurtful as Suzaku’s manhandling had been, his body heat had kept Lelouch warm as he was carried here. Now that he was truly alone, Lelouch could not help but shiver and curl into himself. He could feel his heart struggle in his chest, wanting to be free of this painful labor.

Charles was right about his condition, Lelouch knew that. At the thought of his father, Lelouch snarled and his blood pressure spiked, for a moment giving him almost enough strength to stand up and storm to the chained door. Then the rush was gone, and Lelouch sank further down the floor.

Lelouch lost track of time as he faded in and out of consciousness. He felt the distinct pull of dehydration and exhaustion, as well as gnawing hunger. His bones ached as he sat awkwardly on the hard floor. He could not remember the last time he ate or drank.

He wasted too much energy fighting against Suzaku, now he is too weak to escape. His brain told him.

 _It doesn’t matter_ , his heart supplied.

Nothing ever matters to you.

_He does._

* * *

Suzaku laughed like a maniac until he lost his voice.

After all the pain, hatred, and thirst for revenge driving him up to this victorious moment in defeating and capturing Zero, he suddenly no longer felt any motivation to move forward. He wanted to see Lelouch suffer for what he did to Euphemia, to the innocent lives he slaughtered, hell he wanted to snap his neck with his own bare hands. He believed that Lelouch vi Britannia was a mistake, that the former prince’s ideologies were false and dangerous. Now that he was a Knight of the Rounds, he could make a difference in the world. He could right Zero’s wrongs by changing Britannia from the inside.

But as he heard that Lelouch had been sick for a while, Suzaku felt hurt. He was hurt that Lelouch never told him, back when they were still friends. He also reluctantly admitted to himself that seeing Lelouch shivering pitifully on the marble floor also hurt.

Somehow he could not bear the thought of losing Lelouch to the world like this, as Charles suggested. No, he needed to keep an eye on him. He still had questions for him and he needed answers.

Lelouch’s imminent death brought out a fact that Suzaku tried to avoid, a fact that he cannot deny: that once upon a time, he loved Lelouch vi Britannia.

* * *

Lelouch woke up to the sound of the AC fan stirring in the background. For a moment he forgot where he was. He lazily turned to his side and sank deeper into the sheets.

Until he became aware of the irritating object strapped around his ankle.

Lelouch jerked awake. Hearting racing, he flipped the sheets off the bed and saw the offending tracking bracelet wrapped around his right ankle. Anger flared in his chest. He grabbed the tracker belt and tugged experimentally. A few seconds later he found himself panting at the ceiling, his whole body tingling with the remnants of electrocution.

The former prince gingerly sat up, and for the first time, took in his surroundings. The premise had only one room, which was his bedroom, connected to a simple bathroom. The room was painted white from floor to ceiling, the monochromic walls rose and merged into an equally uneventful ceiling. The only break in the dreary walls was a small, square window next to his bed. There was an archaic looking TV hovering in the corner. The only other item in the entire room was his bed. Already feeling claustrophobic, Lelouch wrapped his arms around himself and stepped into the bathroom. The white tiles are cool beneath his feet. A simple shower head, toilet, and sink stood cramped in the even smaller room.

Lelouch signed and lied back in bed. He was still exhausted, hungry, and thirsty. He tried to fall back asleep. 

_Suzaku…_

His heart leaped at the name. Lelouch grabbed a pillow and threw it across the room. These three syllables agitated and pained him more than he would admit.

Lelouch eventually fell asleep again to the sound of AC fans droning in the background, not having enough energy to stay conscious.


	4. Chapter 4

It was subtle at first, but Lelouch could feel his body deteriorating. At first, he actively plotted escape strategies and revenge against the Empire. Revenge kept him awake and agitated. Planning kept him grounded and prevented him from spiraling into insanity. He ate the food dutifully, determined to keep his body in the best shape it could be to take the window of opportunity when it came. Then one night he woke up shivering and gasping for breath, his heart quivering in his chest, ineffectively pushing blood along his body. Knowing no one would help him – they, no, _Suzaku,_ has sent him here to die, after all – Lelouch suddenly felt a pang of loneliness. There was not even moonlight tonight. Tears sprang to his eyes and for the first time in a long time, Lelouch allowed himself to cry.

When dawn came, he was disappointed to find that his heart was still beating, and he felt worse than ever.

Days passed, no one came to visit, as expected. The only sound keeping him company was the lazy hum of the AC and his own ragged breathing. The food provided was plain and though not horrible, it was barely enough to keep him energized for hours at a time. The gloved hand slipping the food tray and taking away his laundry through a slit in the door was the most human interaction he received. He no longer planned anything. Or rather his heart no longer beat strong enough to keep his brain properly nourished. So most of the time Lelouch dozed in a half slumber, in an attempt to keep out both nightmares and reality. When he was awake, he watched boring programs in black and white on the pathetic machine that called itself a television, which tend to lure him back to sleep again. Other times, he sat across from the wall with the window and drank in sunlight greedily. The window was too tall for him to see any actual scenery. So he learned about outside world through shadows casted by sunlight, projected along the white walls. A squirrel visited the window once, its chubby silhouette stretched from floor to ceiling. It brought Lelouch such a ridiculous amount of joy, he would have laughed at how pathetic he became had he had enough energy to do so.

Then one morning, he was simply too weak to get up and retrieve the tray placed next to the door. The former prince lied in bed and gathered his strength for a solid ten minutes before peeling the sheets off himself. He swung his legs down to the floor and stood up very slowly. The world still spun wildly before settling more or less in place, and he shuffled off to reach the food tray on the floor.

 _How pathetic._ His mind sneered. _You are feeding off the tray like a dog. How far the great Zero has fallen._

He paused.

Then suddenly he was on the floor, screaming and tearing at the tracker on his ankle with claw like hands. Even as he felt the jolts of electricity shooting up his arms in warning, threatening to send his already damaged heart into full cardiac arrhythmia, he refused to stop. Instead, the pain served as the spark that rekindled the smoking timber of revenge, lighting the fuse line comprised of weeks of isolation and loneliness and fear and helplessness and hatred and purposelessness and disappointment and grief and _betrayal ----_ then everything exploded in a monstrous meltdown as Lelouch vi Britannia’s mind reached flash point and lost its last grip on reality.

With white hot electricity scalding his finger tips, Lelouch felt more alive than ever. His anger screamed like a wild animal, drowning out the pounding of this heart. Amethyst eyes burning into a few shades darker, Lelouch managed to stand up and stumble into the bathroom. He barely glanced at his deranged face in the mirror before sending a fist through it, shattering the glass. He tried to bend down and reach for a piece of the mirror, but blood rushed to his head and he keeled over, hitting the floor hard. With a shaky hand made slippery with blood, Lelouch gripped a large, sharp piece like a dagger and drove the edge through the ankle strap, severing it. The device gave a final burst of electricity, strong enough to send his upper body toppling toward the ground. Blood flowed freely from both his palms now, marring the pristine white floor. Lelouch grabbed the now useless tracker victoriously and tossed it across the room. It hit a wall with a thump, leaving a dark, wet smear.

Blood spread on the perfectly smooth white floor, making its conquest slowly but surely. This was Lelouch's final act of defiance against fate, against his father that never loved him, against his best friend whose betrayal hurt more than the lacerations in his palms and the painful squeeze in his heart combined. 

Daylight poured into the room, washing over his limp body and lifting the rusty blood marks to a shade of burning scarlet. Lelouch lied on the bloody floor, his arms stretched out uselessly on both sides like broken wings taking flight. The air was crimson and tasted like freedom. Lelouch laughed quietly and as the rising tide of unconsciousness pulled him apart, he thought, finally, _finally_...


	5. Chapter 5

Kururugi Suzaku climbed out the cockpit of _Lancelot_ with practiced eased. He was physically exhausted but feeling great mentally. The latest training session had been intense enough to require all his focus, and he was happy to seek refuge from thinking about the person who has been creeping into his dreams at night.

His good mood was soured when a soldier ran frantically toward him, snapping a salute.

“Sir Kururugi.”

“Speak. What is this about?” Suzaku had a sinking feeling he did not want to know.

“It’s Zero, Sir. He disengaged the tracker and managed to harm himself severely in the process. The medical team have stabilized him. We are waiting on your orders.”

Anger mixed with concern rose from his stomach. He tried to suppress the concern.

“Take me to him.”

* * *

Lelouch stirred in bed as he resurfaced to consciousness. He became aware of his heart skipping beats, stuttering like he had sprinted for a mile. Lelouch frowned, his unwieldy organ’s movement making him light-headed and nauseous. He tried to raise a hand to press against his sternum, only to realize they were wrapped in thick bandages.

Underneath the overpowering scent of bleach and disinfectants, the stench of blood lingers.

Suzaku stood by the door, staring at Lelouch’s prone form, a mix of emotions pooled his stomach. His prisoner was even thinner than he last saw him. Black circles lined his eyes, his face looked gaunt and cheekbones too sharp. His skin so pale he almost blended in with the sheets around him. Jet black hair looked grey in the sunlight. _He’s fading._ Suzaku thought, his heart gave a tight squeeze. Then he saw a familiar gleam of amethyst eyes. For a moment, the purple caught sunlight, making his irises glow. Then royal purple met his own emerald green.

Lelouch just stared at him from his bed. He kept his intense scrutiny for so long that Suzaku shifted uncomfortably. The air felt like splinters.

“You…came back…” The whisper was so faint Suzaku almost did not hear it over the hammering in his ribcage.

“You hurt yourself last night. I am just here to check on you.”

Lelouch smirked. “Is that so?” His smart comeback was quickly overtaken by throbbing pain in both of his palms and right ankle, as well as rising dull aches in the rest of his body. _Of course they would not give me any painkillers. I should be dead after all._ Lelouch thought to himself as he became increasingly aware of his injuries.

Suzaku heard Lelouch gasp in pain and instinctively took a step toward him then caught himself and paused.

“Why did you do this to yourself, Lelouch? Why can you not just behave, for once in your life?!” Suzaku blurted out.

The pain made Lelouch extremely irritable and something inside him snapped upon hearing the question. _The audacity of this boy…_ “ _Why did I do this?_ Seriously, Kururugi? Am I supposed to be _grateful_ for your charity? You locked me up, left me here to die alone, with no one to talk to, with no freedom to speak of, and you dare suggest me to _behave?_ You really thought I would just sit here obediently like _a fucking dog_?” Black spots danced across his vision and he struggled to pull in enough air to fuel his rage.

“Trust me, I did you a favor, Lelouch. I could have let you roam the streets and die a beggar, like his Majesty suggested. Would you have wanted that? I provided you with this ----” Suzaku gestured wildly around him with a sweep of his arm, “So that you could at least be able to die with some dignity.”

“You call locking me in this glorified prison with this tracker strapped on me dignity? I would rather die in streets. At least I would have the freedom to control my own death…” Lelouch trailed off, trying to fight the painful haze in his head.

“Believe it or not, Lelouch, despite everything, as much as I hate you for what you have done, I cannot cast you away like that. Not after knowing that…”

“That I’m a lost cause with a defect heart? Are you taking pity on me, Suzaku? Is that it? Am I a charity case to make you feel good about yourself? A righteous Knight extending help to a dying enemy. What a story it would make.”

Suddenly Suzaku looked exhausted. His stiff upright posture was gone and replaced with hunched shoulders. He leaned against the wall. Sun-cast shadows engulfed his body, twisting him into a mirage. Lelouch had to remind himself that Suzaku was really standing there.

“You are wrong, Lelouch, I don’t want to gain anything from you, not at this point. Before, I wanted to watch you suffer, and I wanted you to pay for the sins that you committed. But… I never thought it would end like this…”

“Why are you really here, Suzaku.” Lelouch asked quietly.

“I…” Suzaku could not say it. Instead, he opted for “I will send for some pain relief.”

“Don’t go…” Lelouch begged quietly as Suzaku turned toward the door.

Then Suzaku was gone with the sound of bolts sliding in place. Lelouch kept staring at the wall by which the Knight leaned against. He imagined the shadows that outlined Suzaku’s body as he stood there. Maybe it was a dream after all. Lelouch closed his eyes and turned his head away. He felt hot trails of moisture sliding down his face, soaking the pillow wet. Finally, exhaustion pulled at him, and he willingly followed, gladly escaping the sorrow that filled his heart.


	6. Chapter 6

Lelouch woke up shivering. He pulled the sheets further up to his chin and wrapped his arms around himself. His heart was no longer pumping enough blood to his extremities to keep them warm. Breathing was becoming a noticeable chore. He tried to sit up to take in more air, but the motion made him light-headed so he remained still in bed, trying to not let the lack of oxygen pull him into a full-blown panic.

Death was near. Through the haze of pain and hypoxia, Lelouch understood that. But he could not die yet, not having enough time to sort things out with Suzaku… He needed to see the Knight, even if it was truly for the last time.

He hated to beg --- he was a prince after all. But he was running out of time.

* * *

“Suzaku…please….”

The Knight of Seven stared at the monitor in horror.

Lelouch’s lips were steadily turning blue. He was pale as the sheet and equally as still.

Suzaku silently willed the prone figure to move, to make some indication that this was all an act. But there was none. Suzaku stumbled away from the chair, his steps increasing in pace until he was running toward Lelouch’s room. Pushing the guards aside from the door, he made it to the bed in three strides and sank to his knees. He carefully cradled Lelouch’s head and pressed two shaky fingers below his nose to feel for air. Nothing.

_No…no…this is too soon…_

Suzaku snapped at the guards to get the medics, before half dragging Lelouch’s body down the bed and onto the floor, starting CPR.

“Please, Lelouch, not now…” Suzaku broke down and begged.

Tears blurred his vision so much that Suzaku could not see his own hands pressing on Lelouch’s bony sternum.

The doctors had to pull back the severely distressed Knight from the prince’s prone form before getting to work. After a long struggle, three attempts to shock the heart, and a lot of shouting, Lelouch was back on his bed, covered in more blankets, hooked up to an oxygen tank, breathing more or less normally with a heart feebly beating out a thready rhythm.

At the gentle shutting of the door after the doctors left, Suzaku leaned against the bed and took one of Lelouch’s bandaged cold hands in his own. The appendage looked fragile, wrapped in layers of gauze. Paper-thin skin revealed delicate blood vessels underneath. Suzaku traced the patterns gently with his calloused finger, feeling the smooth skin and the gentle bumps of metacarpals that extended into elegant digits.

He must have fallen asleep. The next thing he knew was fingers wriggling in his grasp, trying weakly to squeeze his hand. Suzaku jerked awake. Lelouch was looking at him expectantly.

Suzaku met his gaze carefully. He knew his eyes were swollen and red rimmed.

“That was close.” Suzaku croaked out eventually.

“I know…I had to…see you again before I…die.” Lelouch’s voice was muffled by the oxygen mask. The sound was weak and quiet, nothing like Zero’s deep, majestic rally cry that crippled an empire. 

Suzaku’s heart throbbed. Nearing sunset, orange light poured copiously into the tiny room, warming up the tone in the blank walls and Lelouch’s almost translucent skin. Lelouch’s mask fogged and cleared, fogged and cleared. Suzaku stared at it, reassuring himself that Lelouch was really breathing. Lelouch closed his eyes as he let himself be washed in sunlight; his expression close to a cat purring in a sunny spot.

Suzaku would have smiled at this image if not for the gravity of the situation. He shook his head and steeled his resolve.

“Lelouch, you wanted to know why I kept you here. There is no point in hiding now. Even after all that you have done, I still care about you. It has always been you, Lelouch.”


	7. Chapter 7

The prince opened his eyes and turned to look at him, his expression tired and vulnerable.

“That’s…I am glad, Suzaku, to know that someone --- to know that you care.” He swallowed, “I…was sure that I would die alone. It…terrified me. I had to… see you, for the last time.”

“We wasted an awful lot of time, didn’t we?” Suzaku chuckled bitterly.

Lelouch just looked at him wistfully. Suzaku could not bear the weight of that gaze.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” He asked instead.

“What good would it have done?” Lelouch asked back. “Besides, as you said, this is me paying for the crimes I committed, Suzaku.”

“We just wanted peace, how did it come to this?” Suzaku sounded lost.

Lelouch had no answer to that. 

The quiet conversion continued. Suzaku asked about Euphemia and Shirley. Lelouch’s voice waivered as he answered truthfully. Suzaku wept. Lelouch stroke his hair.

When Suzaku finally gained some semblance of composure, he said, “I’m sorry it has to end like this, Lelouch.” _I’m sorry you don’t have more time. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry that I was so blinded by my rage I almost missed you one last time._

“My defect heart still led me to you in the end, Suzaku. I have no regrets.” _I forgive you. I’m sorry too._

Outside, a cool breeze rustled the leaves. A squirrel scurried along a branch. 

“I missed our old life, Suzaku. When it was just you, me, and Nunnally.”

“Me too.” _Me too._

* * *

“Can you…. Hold me? I…don’t want to… die alone…”

Lelouch never looked so small and vulnerable. Suzaku’s chest aches.

The Knight answered by climbing into the bed gently and lying down on his side. Lelouch turned to look at him. And they were children again, sprawled side by side under the tiled roof, the sky above the Kururugi shrine a velvety black shimmering with stars. Summer air was stifling, and cicadas sang of innocence.

Suzaku tentatively wrapped his arms around bony shoulders. The prince leaned into the contact and signed. Lelouch’s heart found and matched the pace of the other one, together beating out a quiet duet, full of regret and longing and things that could have been.

Night fell. The shadows dancing on the walls gradually merged and expanded to engulf the room. Suzaku didn’t bother to turn on the lights.

Lelouch’s condition deteriorated rapidly.

Cold sweat veiled Lelouch’s face as he fought hard to oxygenate his body. He could no longer see distinct shapes. Everything was blurring into black and grey.

“Please…I need to… know… you are here…”

Biting back tears, Suzaku turned his head and looked directly into Lelouch’s eyes just as they were glazing over. His black hair frosted with silver from bits of moonlight. 

“Hey, stay with me…” Suzaku whispered. He reached out and gently caressed the prince’s face.

“I’m sorry… for… everything…” Lelouch was hyperventilating now. Fog was settling in the room, it made him shiver. Suzaku held him closer.

“Shhh…you are okay.” _I forgive you._

“I’m…afraid…” In response Suzaku gently shifted and cradled Lelouch’s head against his chest.

“I got you.” _I love you._

Suzaku’s warmth a shield and his steady heartbeats an anchor, so Lelouch held on to reality. The fog was kept at bay.

They stayed like this for a long time. Until Lelouch’s breath hitched, and his vision completely darkened. His heart staggered, no longer keeping up with Suzaku’s rhythm even at rest.

“Live on, Suzaku.” The prince whispered his last command on his dying breath. The Knight’s eyes glowed unnaturally in the moonlight.

Suzaku held Lelouch tighter. “Yes, your highness.”

Lelouch smiled weakly. Fog lifted him from the embrace. He was gone. 

Suzaku held Lelouch close to his body and whispered comforting nonsense until he felt the prince’s pulse shutter to a halt. Lelouch let out his last breath, tension leaving his body. Suzaku froze and waited for another intake of air. All that met his ears were his own lonely heartbeat drumming against his ribcage.

Suzaku carefully took off Lelouch’s now useless oxygen mask and let it fall to the floor. He shifted so that he lied flat next to Lelouch and pulled the limp body close until they were pressed together from head to toe. Suzaku stared at the prince’s face until his vision was blurry.

The sun rose again, with dawn casting fleeting patterns across Lelouch’s lifeless body, breaking up his form into bits and pieces of light and shadow.

Suzaku gave in and cried.


End file.
